Friday, April 03, 2009


OK, the DUI Guy's insurance company has paid for everything, so I think I'm safe to post on the internet the details of his magical mystery tour into our front yard. On March 6th I was sitting on my couch watching some crappy TV when I heard a huge crash outside. I jump up and despite being in bare feet dash outside to see and SUV parked in my front yard and resting against my truck. I rush to the driver's door of the striken vehicle not sure if I'm going to have to administer first aid or corporal punishment. The front wing panel is sufficiently mangled that it takes some effort to pry it open, at which point this guy strumbles out mumbling, "I'm sorry, I messed up. I'm sooo drunk".

Well, I'm dumbfounded. I reach into the smokey cab (I think mostly the result of the air bag deploying). I don't remember if his car was still running, but for some reason I felt the need to take his keys out of the ignition! By this point Kristal has joined me outside and I tell her to call the cops. I'm trying to make sure DUI guy is not injured, but he has wondered across the street to talk to my neighbors. I soon realize why. The reason he arrived in our yard at all is because he first collided squarely with my neighbor's Cadillac which was parked in the street. After spinning the Caddy 100 degrees and shunting it 20 feet down the road, he's swerved towards out house, cleared our drainage ditch, cleaved several limbs from our Crepe Myrtle, mercilessly avoided out mailbox and continued up our driving way to his final resting place on the quarter-panel of my Tacoma.

Soon enough a police cruiser arrives. Then another. Followed by an officer in a SUV. This is standard operating procedure for Henrico cops, and I have always thought is was over kill. But actually, it takes three officers to take care of everything. The first guy on the scene gets the honor of making the arrest. The guy in the SUV is clearly the most senior, so he takes the easy job of directing the tow truck guy to tidy up the crash scene, and the poor junior officer runs around taking statements, exchanging insurance details and filing a report. His name was officer Stonestreet, and I'm sure I recognized him from somewhere, and I'd like to publicly say what a great job I thought he did.

Two or three weeks later the insurance company has finally got it's act together and I take my truck into the shop for minor repairs. They even pay for a rental car, which is nice, although I end up with this honkin' great Nissan!

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